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The origins of the word 'jackass' and its roots in Bartlet family history
It was a quiet day in the Bartlet household—the warm Saturday afternoon marked a moment of peace in the lives of the typically high-strung family. Abbey was outside working in the garden, while Jed lounged in a lawn chair next to her reading the latest issue of The Economist. The two eldest girls were barricaded in the house, not wanting to spend extra time with their parents, while Zoey played quietly outside with a hula hoop.
Zoey soon became bored with her toy and approached her parents. Remembering a question a friend had asked, she poked her mother in an attempt to get her attention.
“Mommy? Where do babies come from?” she asked, tugging on Abbey's sleeve.
Abbey dropped her spade and instantly met her husband's eyes. However, before she could say anything, Jed interjected, "Well, your mother and I got you and your sisters in a three-for-one sale down at the store."
“Jed!” Abbey huffed in exasperation.
“What?” Jed shrugged. “You really want to explain sex to our four-year-old daughter?”
Zoey didn't miss a beat. "Mommy, what's sex?"
“Jethro,” Abbey growled, her eyes narrowing.
Jed got up out of his chair and smirked, “Right about now is when I leave, sweet knees.” Ruffling Zoey's hair, he folded his magazine under his arm and walked back to the house whistling.
As he walked away, Abbey murmured a word angrily under her breath.
Zoey looked at her mother with wide eyes, “What's a jackass?”
“Your father,” Abbey said simply.
*****
Later that evening, Abbey was in the kitchen making dinner, while Jed set the table when Zoey bounced down the stairs and spotted her father in the dining room.
“Hi Jackass!” she exclaimed happily.
Jed’s mouth fell open and he dropped the silverware he had been holding. Recovering quickly, he bellowed, "Abigail!"
Abbey wiped her hands on a dish towel and joined her husband and daughter in the dining room.
“You called, dear?”
Jed crossed his arms and shot an annoyed look at his wife.
“What are you teaching our youngest daughter?” he asked.
Abbey noticed the irritated look on Jed’s face and wondered what was bothering him now.
“Whatever are you talking about, my most loving husband?” she returned with a dead-pan delivery.
“Don't take that tone with me. You know what I'm talking about.”
Abbey raised an eyebrow and looked at him inquisitively, “No, I don't, honey-bunch.”
“Dammit Abbey! Why are you teaching Zoey to curse?” Jed exclaimed, his irritation evident in his tone.
Zoey mimicked her mother and raised a little eyebrow at the new word her father used.
“What'd she say?” Abbey asked curiously.
Jed glared at his wife, “She called me a jackass.”
Abbey laughed at this revelation.
Jed looked at her petulantly. “Abbey,” he whined, “It's not funny.”
Abbey sighed. “Well if you hadn't made the smart-ass comment about the three-for-one sale...” she trailed off.
Zoey, whose presence was all-but-forgotten, suddenly joined the conversation, surprising both adults.
“Mommy said that 'jackass' was a special name she calls you because she loves you,” she stated matter-of-factly to her father.
This aside drew Jed’s attention away from his argument with his wife. “Mommy loves me, does she?” he said, looking at Abbey suggestively.
Abbey rolled her eyes at her husband and his easily distracted mind. Bending over, she focused on her daughter and explained, “That's a word that only mommys get to use, honey. When you're a mom someday, you can call your husband a jackass too.”
“Abbey!”
Zoey seemed satisfied with this explanation. However, her mind wandered again and she tugged at Jed's pants, "Daddy, you never told me what sex is."
Jed looked at Abbey beseechingly, his eyes pleading for help.
Abbey smirked at Jed. Using the same words he escaped with earlier, she said, “Right about now is when I leave, Jethro,” and returned to the kitchen humming.
Zoey was undeterred by this interaction and looked up at her father, question in her eyes.
Jed sighed and gathered up his daughter in his arms and sat down in one of the dining room chairs.
“Sex is when....”
FIN
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